I'm sorry you are struggling so much with this.
It can be very anxiety-provoking to start therapy, even just the initial phone call. I know I get very flustered and forget what it is that I want to say. Sometimes writing things down helps, that way I can just read what I have written if I end up getting too nervous.
Another thought might be that you could try email contact at first. Many therapists have email as a method of first contact. I know when I was looking for T's when I first moved here, I only did email contact...
I hope you can find a T to help you out.