I think the real issue is that I know I need to be honest with T about the helpline and the things I say on there and what need it serves, etc. but I know once I do that, I will have to stop, because she could just tell everyone there that if they get x call/chat not to engage with it. And I'm not sure I'm ready/able to just stop. Part of me wants to, but part of me just isn't sure about it. So I can't be honest with T. But I have to be honest with T. So I feel stuck.