Sorry again if this is blunt but you are obsessed. It seems to be the one thing that you feel will release you from the pain you are in. You never discuss anything else as a potential way forward, it always harks back to LC and your desire to be her child. When you have moments that mimic parental intimacy - like her saving you on the railway tracks - that's when you seem most positive and happy. It's like you are always searching out those moments, and anything that acts to remind you that the maternal bond is not really there forces you back into a reality that makes you want to leave work and find oblivion in a bottle.

Is there anyone else at all you love apart from LC? I think you really, really need to start nurturing your other relationships. You need to realise she is not the be all and end all.