Boy, if this does not sound exactly like me. Have had this dreadful disease for 20yrs. now with only a month or 2 of relief in between. Tried everything it works 1 month or 2 then stops. Right now I am in the deep dark pit & so tired of going on. Had at least about 20 hospital stays only to be safe. Like you too certain members of my family would be devastated. But cannot live the rest of my life this way not knowing what it feels like to wake up one morning & feel good. I hate everything do not enjoy anything anymore. This illness has took family members away from me also. I am at my wits end now, knowing i will be going to the grave feeling this way. I should be in a hospital now but just cannot stand to go again.