I've been wondering for quite some time if anyone can tell me the difference between excuses versus reasons. I've been with someone for a pretty long time and just about any time that I bring up an issue that I need reassurance on or an issue that bothers me, my spouse almost always resorts to defending their position and giving their reasons behind their logic. For the most part, I understand that. I get that everyone has a "reason" for why they do what they do, but over the years it just starts to sound like excuses to me. The reason I say this, and I wish it wasn't so, but I'm trying to come to grips with something that I may not be able to deal with any longer. Instead of my spouse trying to comfort me and maybe saying he's sorry for being insensitive or just plain sorry and try to do better, he just gets too defensive for any productivity. So the issue gets "swept under the rug" and never gets resolved with me. In the meantime, he will try to be lovey to me and hold my hand or something and when I don't reciprocate, because there are so many old issues that he just wants to "get over" without ever resolving them, he gets mad at me and essentially accuses me of being difficult or the reason. It's like a double whammy for me; first I go to him with an issue that bothers me (without resolution but instead an argument ensues) and then to top it off, later when he is ready to love on me but i'm not ready, i then get the cold shoulder and blame from him for "rejecting" him. I just don't get it. I'm tired of this. Don't get me wrong. He's not a bad person or anything. He treats me very good unless I need emotional support from him especially when it comes to particular issues around his grown kids and his ex wife. I just would have thought that after 13 years of marriage, he would be sensitive to my needs, but not. I've always felt second choice and I get that, but I just think that I deserve better treatment given that we've been married far longer than his first marriage and I've never cheated on him and have always sacrificed for him; unlike his first wife, yet, I can't get what I deserve. Sad but true. I'm about done. I think my husband must be an incredibly selfish person to be how he is to me.

Any thoughts?