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Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer
Hey, ForeverGirl, surviving benzo withdrawal for 23 months and staying motivated to keep going is a big deal. You feel sick most of the time, it goes right down to the marrow of you bones. And still you keep going, putting one foot in front of the other and avoiding the easy out of doctor shopping and going back to where you were 23 months ago. That takes courage and strength, which you might not even know you have when you feel so lousy. But you do. Congratulations on hard work.
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Thanks so much and for your continued support..
Speaking of taking the easy out, doctor shopping and going back to being on klonopin is not necessarily the easy way out. It is humiliating to have to ask for a med that you may or may not get from a doctor. I suffered a lot of shame and humiliation from doctors, the love to shame someone for being on the drug for a long time and especially if they think you are doctor shopping. Even though they are the ones that put you on the crap, they turn around and shame you for trying to continue to obtain it. Even though they truly do know the pain of withdrawal. It seems like a cruel joke that they play on people.
I went through lots of bad times also at mental health centers for the same thing. They loved to use withholding as punitive measures for any infraction or otherwise known as just trying to get a refill!
At least now I have the power over my own body. I choose not to take a drug regulated by such tyrannical a-holes...excuse the language. I could never go through all that again. It makes no sense really why they freely give you the meds to begin with but later shame you and make you feel incompetent for continuing to take it...because you have to! Rather twisted.
Yes I feel bad 95% of the time physically, I don't even know what is happening with my body any more. I take symptoms with a grain of salt, hoping they pass and that they are a strange manifestation of withdrawal symptoms. It is really crazy. Not only do you feel sick physically but so, so crazy and unstable at times. Always in fear of losing it and becoming psychotic. I'm still having strange hallucinations when half asleep. What does that tell you about how the brain works. Almost 2 years off and the hallucinations have only come about in the last 3 months! I do pray that they cease.
One symptom that I hope is from the withdrawal is my completely negative outlook towards life and myself. My internal dialogue is quite disturbing. I try not to reveal it, even here. I have once or twice and get some very strange and/or alarming responses.
Tirade over, for now!