For what it's worth - I am certainly not trying to be harsh in my posts. I get it, as I think most of the posters do, about how sharply painful this stuff is.

However. The perspective I come from (and yep, this is my own stuff colouring things, because I am not a trained therapist) is that I at 29 have a decade or so on Growli (who I believe is 21, is that right, Growli?) and have been reflecting lately that my twenties have contained a hell of a lot of pain, despair, shame and sheer hopelessness at times. I feel sad about that because among about half my friends I see what it is like when life is not complicated by severe attachment injury, complex health needs and death of loved ones.

Depite my twenties being a rough, rough time, I have been fortunate to make friends and forge connections to varying degrees which mean I've also got plenty of extraordinary and amazing memories to look back on from that time too, despite the mess and ****. I still look back and think WTactualF was that all about?!! But the good memories and experiences counter the bad.

That would not have happened if I had only had eyes for one person for years.

I suppose when I think of Growli's situation - I don't want her to put all her eggs in one basket with LC, spending as much time as possible in a pretend world in her head where she is this woman's daughter. Months slip easily into years, and (sorry again if this is blunt) those years are going to be painful anyway, whether LC is there or not, because of the nature of the attachment wounds and all the problems that sprout from them. Growli, be open to developing other relationships in their various shapes and forms - because they are what will keep you going and show you other ways of being happy, so that when things go up and down with LC your survival is not tied to her.