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Originally Posted by angelicgoldfish05
I think you should listen to what the original t said. From all you wrote, anyone who experienced that would be traumatized. Glad to hear you recognize this enough to be reading this book. After you mentioned it in your post I downloaded it to my kindle and have loved reading to it. So thanks for mentioning it in your post. I even relate to stuff although my situation is no where near as bad as yours sounds (childhood abuse, etc.).
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Glad you liked the book. I'm still reading it, slowly
. I don't think my childhood was full of physical abuse. There were certainly moments of that, but by in large all the damage was emotional/psychological. It's hard to explain, but I think we all want to feel connected to parents, and when your parent is bat **** crazy that just never happens properly.
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Originally Posted by angelicgoldfish05
Maybe it is some kind of therapist trick, where they go back and forth on it, or really understate it (or overstate), just to gauge your reaction. Then they go from there with better understanding of how to work on the material with you. I don't know, just throwing things out there. I think about things way too much, to the point of over thinking.
Like my t, she goes back and forth on what happened to me being CSA or not. 1st it was CSA. Next week it was "just experimentation and bribery". Then the following week it is back to being CSA.
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I wondered about this. I decided he didn't mean anything by it. I'd never mentioned that I had read about C-PTSD or that it was something I thought about. Maybe my admission surprised him. The next week he made a comment making it clear he thought I was traumatized. I don't know what "a little traumatized" would even mean. Like I suppose comparing me to that girl who was found to be tied up in her parents basement and never met people for 12 years I would be a little traumatized. Or comparing me to a holocaust victim, a little traumatized?
My old therapist didn't say a lot but when she did I thought she catastrophized too much. I've wondered how it would be if he continued to tell me I was severely traumatized. How would I process and react to that? Early on in my life I certainly had a lot more of the C-PTSD symptoms, but the further and further away from my parents I've gotten, I've mourned my childhood in little bits and now I think I'm left with a smaller but still painful wound. The strange thing is I'm not sure I need his validation. I think validation is really hard to get, it might even take finding someone with a similar circumstance to be able to understand the nuance of pain of having narcissistic parents. My old therapist certainly validated me... I think I want something entirely different from this one. I think I want him to literally make it all better by being what no one else ever was, i.e. someone who truly loves me that I can rely on. Isn't that really sad when you think about the fact he cant and he wont!
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Originally Posted by angelicgoldfish05
I personally think it depends upon one's sensitivity. The more sensitive one is, the more traumatizing events will be. I believe I was "traumatized" from watching a Steven King movie when I was really little. Gave me nightmares for months. Even to this day I do not like to watch scary movies because I am too sensitive and feel like the movie is actually happening to me. Like I can't tell the difference, like I can't separate from the movie and just watch it as an outsider. I experience. Comes with being a "total empath" (as my friend once called me and pointed out to me, maybe it is true).
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I've done a lot of boundary work with my mom too, and now I hold her at a great distance. My therapist has actually helped me feel not so guilty about that for the first time ever! I'd say, hold her at a distance. Love yourself enough to put yourself first. My mom could go get on meds, she could try to improve herself, but she doesn't. I've tried everything including blackmailing her to see a shrink, but she just lied about going and told me she went and the shrink told her she was "no crazier than he was." I'm pretty certain no shrink would make a comment like that after one appointment, I've never heard a shrink use the term crazy if nothing else!
Anyways, I think you're right. Sensitivity plays a part. I never thought of myself as sensitive but I've come to discover I really am. Even so I think it's like you said, people like to think of abuse in terms of physical violence and really being emotionally cast out is even more painful. Feeling unloved is painful and damaging for a kid. Kids who are bullied and outcast commit suicide, so what about the kids who are bullied and outcast by their own parents? No one wants to see it, or talk about it. I think for most people it's so unfathomable they'd rather believe no one treats their kids like that.