I wasn't sure where to post this. In all honesty, I just needed to vent. Maybe get some input... Sorry for the long read. There is some cursing in it. I'm sorry. It's a little personal but I just want to hear what others think. I feel like it will give me a better perspective to hear others thoughts.

First off I'd like to say I am 100% sure I am an Introvert. Now, I don't know what my problem is, it's not that I'm a mean person per say because it never even get's to that point. Sometimes I feel like I might lack some empathy but perhaps not so much. I mean, it's not like I'm a robot- if I see someone in trouble or being hurt, it saddens me. But there's a side of me that really dislikes people. This doesn't mix well my my anger issues. Which by the way, I keep very well contained. And not in a Sandy Hook type of way, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't get to me. Somedays I'm just like in this "**** the world, **** everyone" mentality. It passes. Honestly, I keep it bottled up and maybe that's the reason I dislike people. Because I seem to be that guy who much rather walk away from a confrontation then to retaliate. Despite how angry I might be, I can't ever seem to bring myself to hurt someone neither physically or verbally. It's not that I'm scared it's just not in my nature. This is the best way I can put it. Anyway, I'm straying from the point- which is that me disliking people has lead me to a lost in interest in people. A good example of this happened last night.

A relative of mines (not the first time it happens) comes from Cuba to the States. He's a cousin of mines and I'm expected to greet them or else it seems a "rude" or whatever in our culture. I agree, but I dread the moment. Now me personally, I just don't give a **** about meeting them. If it was up to me I wouldn't even show my face. This might sound ****ed up, but I don't see the point in greeting someone you have no interest in a relationship with. It's like starting a book or a movie and never finishing it. My father gives me these lectures about family and how it means everything and I agree with him for the most part. But I also try to explain to him and I tell him "You can't expect me to give a **** about someone I've never met". Family to me are the people that have been there for me, the ones I'm emotionally invested in. He might have my blood, but that doesn't mean I would catch a bullet for that person, let alone jump into a fight with him to help them, because I just don't know the damn person, you follow? I don't care about them and if they died I wouldn't share a tear, let alone think about it for more than 5 minutes. Like when people die halfway across the world, am I suppose to care? To some extent, but that's it.

These people come from this country with this completely different mentality and view on life. It's literally a different lifestyle. I'm the quiet type, hang by myself, follow my own interests and hobbies. In order for me to want to get to know someone, I need know they like the things I like. They do the things I do, we must share commonality. Automatically I know that me and this person have jack **** in common, nor do I want to get to know them for that reason. I'm not big on chit chat but I'm not actively avoiding. Like if I was approached by some random person and they start a conversation- I would explore that conversation and converse with the person. If they can't keep me interested my mind just says "Meh". I'm overtaken by this apathetic feeling once I know we share no future. Hell, my life isn't even that exciting, so what the hell are we suppose to converse about, assuming I'd even want to in the first place. But somehow, in the eyes of my parents and closer family, it makes me "Anti-social". Some 26 year old weirdo who lives in a room at mom and dads house. Rarely comes out of his room... (actually I do all the time, just not when my parents have company over). In my eyes it's not really so strange, I work, I pay bills, I got my own spot to crash so it's not a classic live in the basement of grandmas house scenario. Beside, I really enjoy living with my parents. I don't pay much, I get to save money and do things I like. I'm single so it's not like I'm invested in any sort of relationship. Is it out of the norm, perhaps. But to me it's about content, and I truly am content. I'm happy when I do things I like, by myself. I'm a loner, big whoop. I know they think this- and yeah, I don't care what they think, but I don't want to disappoint my parents and they really guilt trip me about this ****. Because what I really want to tell people is "I really don't want any form of relationship with you, not because I hate you, I don't even know you, I'm just not interested, plain and simple". I wish I can just tell everyone this ****, but I have to abide by this ****ing social standard or else I'm an outcast and it pisses me off.