>Certainly, jumping right back into the fray, whilst still recovering from your devastation, might not be the greatest maneuver, although I get, many believe it'll make them feel better. It's a temporary fix for a long term injury.
I do believe it too. If only i could get at least temporary fix. Whats the long-term fix?

>this breakup is still painful, i doubt the pain will hurt forever...
But i doubt it! I cant erase the feeling like my case is extraordinary and no other human being felt the same way like i do. I know its probably stupid, but there are a lot of details about my situation that i didnt see anywhere else.

I actually was diagnosed with OCD and depression years ago. I wrote i have mild version, because its been a while since i had the last "ritual" compulsory behavior. But on mind level, i still feel it.

I want to rant a little, sorry for the text.

For the first time in my life, i started to feel really bad because i am trash person in eyes of society, in eyes of girls and, especially, in eyes of my ex. I have been trying to get back in social game and got rejected so many times that i lost faith in myself. I never really was social butterfly, but until the breakup i felt fine with it. I thought "yeah, people dont like you, you are not a bright person and dont have anything to offer to the world. You probably will be mediocre and boring all your life. So what? Lets gain pleasure from this life. At least you have girlfriend".
And after she compared me to my ex-friend, who is much more successful than me, i cant live in peace anymore. I feel like worst human being ever. Cant enjoy anything anymore. I changed some of my nerd boring hobbies to more productive things, like sports and learning new language. And i dont feel any joy in it, because i know whatever i do, i will never be as successful as him. So what do i have? Im still trying to improve myself to raise my value, but i dont enjoy this. And i cant get back to my old hedonistic self, because i cant enjoy this either. For example, i tried to play videogames again, i sat and felt disgust with myself, imagined like my ex laughed her *** off "Haha what a loser! He sits in his basement and play those stupid games again. I was so right to betray and dump him!". And then i go into gym and train hard, while my ex still laughing at me in my mind "Just look at you, so pathetic. Trying to get your self-esteem up, ha? No matter how hard you train, no other attractive girl will ever be with you. I was the only one who made this mistake. You will never be as rich as you ex-friend, keep spending money on gym pal"

Why do i feel like i will not find new relationship? Because honestly - i i am shallow person. I just cant force myself to like the girl if she is not physically attractive and smart. Even if i do force myself, i will compare her to my ex and think that i failed to attract better girl. And what attractive and smart girls seek in men? Right, social success, confidence, money, bright life, charismatic personality, financial opportunities and all other things in the list. I dont have it. In fact, im opposite of those things.
So, i have to accept that i will stay celibate for a long time. How to do it without being depressed? I dont know.

My ex had great effect on my identity. Wall in my room was covered with her embroidery and drawing. It was so sad to get all this into trash and now my wall is empty as my life in general. I have two friends, two occasional buddies, family support and some hobbies, interests. But all of those things and people dont create the sourse of happiness and worth to me, because i know what a low-quality life i have. I know what you think "Just get high-quality life, its so easy, just get your lazy *** out there!". I tried, i really tried and failed. Maybe, i will succeed with it after years of struggle, but how can i stop being miserable now, while i still have low-quality life?

All my life i gained peace in nihilistic philosophy. If life has no meaning, its equal for everybody. I though that rich, successful people who have a lot of sexual relations in their lives are not better than me, because they will die meaningless and painful death just like i will. But now, i cant find peace in this anymore. I feel like they are actually better than me. And it bothers me on serious level. I wish i could care less about my existence. Why am i so egocentric? Why am i suddenly decided that my life matters so much that i have the right to be upset about it? No therapist will answer this. I wish i knew how to deal with it.