Sorry to say, of course I am alone in this. Just because someone says they understand doesn't mean they do. To say one does not understand would make it seem like I don't understand your point. Don't worry I do. We all feel emotions. We interpret them differently. We have different reasons for feeling them. People who have lots of relationships will even feel lonely. Though never like me. I feel a deep hurting hatred for people who dare say they are lonely or even try to compare themselves to me. They have past relationships with others. They have friends and dare say while they have all this that they are lonely.

I can never experience it. I'm not allowed to feel love or positive chat with other people

It feels uncomfortable to me. A deep discomfort from being alone for perhaps too long. Never having even held hands with another human being. I prefer people treat me poorly because I know the appropriate response. Or more like I have freedom with my response to negativity. Though a positive response? How can I respond to someone being nice. It's a confusing situation. Something twists inside.

...

The feeling of having your friends betray you, think of you as a low- unlikable being. No one will hire me because of how unlikable and dumb I am.

I'm not smart enough to live. Basic living is hard. Going to the store. Trying to apply to jobs. No one likes me. School confuses me, perhaps I am too dumb for school. People seem to have so much going for them yet I never do. You feel like a fifth wheel to your friendships. I feel like a fifth wheel to the world. Imagine the world as a snow-globe and I am the one looking in, blocked out. It looks fun in there but no one will invite me in or allow me to enter/ play the game.

MONEY RULES THE WORLD! Without money you are no one. Anyone who says otherwise is dumb and knows nothing about how the world works. Would you rather have a relationship with someone with no money or someone with some money. When they say that money doesn't matter in relationships they are talking about people with a job and make a decent wage and can already get everything they want in life. Not someone who can't get a job at all and has no money to go off of. *Ohhhh I want to go out and spend money because money = joy in life!*

MONEY IS KEY!

Talking to people online is never really considered having people there for you. In the end no one is. Online isn't real. If someone wants to connect our worlds I would be to afraid to allow it. It's too unstable.

Trust no one because the world is full of con artists.

A consistent thought of downing all of my meds again. It doesn't matter if I live or die. My parents would weep for a bit sure but they will get over it. They have 5 grandkids already from my other, less useless, siblings.

I'm not really needed anymore.