My main opinion of the matter is that the OP needs a trauma T. I also don't think she should get rid of LC.

I don't agree with many of the OP's actions. I do understand the feelings though I have never experienced transference / attachment / whatever you want to call it to that extreme.

But I am not perfect in anyway. If I look back to my past when I was 18...the OP is a ton more functioning than even I was. But my situation was extreme. I didn't just feel like I had no one. I literally had no one. My dad walked out on us, my mentor abandoned me, my h.s. friends went off to college, I had a breakdown requiring hospitalization, my mom kicked me out while in the hospital, no one from my church would help (200+ members, 2 mother-figures, and a ton of friends), so I was left homeless with no one and nothing.

I've had over 20 mother-figures in my life starting from age 5 up until 22. I know how that love feels. I still crave it. But I have realized that no amount of love will fill the hole inside me. The only thing I can do is build myself and my life up, or quit. The loss of a mother-figure is incredibly painful. I do not wish it on my worst enemy. It is difficult to survive especially when that's the only person in your life. And I lost everyone all within 2 months which included 2 mother-figures.

I will have my mental illness for the rest of my life. I will require medication probably for the rest of my life. I have so much potential that is stifled by my mental illness. But that doesn't stop me from trying. I don't know what my actual potential is, but I know it's more than where I'm at.

It is my own experience that is triggering my reaction to the OP. I've meet tons and tons of people from all walks of life. I've met true heroes, real survivors, people who society chooses to forget. I saw beauty, intelligence, spirit, wisdom, value in those people.

I want (which I know I cannot force) to see the same thing in the OP and for her to see it too. I wish I could take her to meet those people. Hell, I wish the whole world would see those people. They are truly amazing. I wish people could see the beauty that I have found in the diversity of life.

So yes, it fruatrates me and saddens me to read the OP's posts. I'm a very caring and sensitive person (though I can be extremely blunt).

But from what I read, the OP isn't in a healthy situation. Maybe it's always been exaggerated by the alcohol abuse? I don't know. But all I wish in the end is for the OP to be healthy and happy.

Maybe this is what I needed to respond with? Maybe this won't even help. All I'm doing is trying to help in a way that I know how and a way that is true to myself.