Not feeling good. Guess I was right - the two days of feeling better was just a lull. God when will this end.. Im just tired.

The thought of just ceasing to exist is becoming more elusive. But theres just so much to do and so much things depends on me and so i just trudge on without any breaks for myself.

Seeing pdoc and T this week. Not looking forward to seeing pdoc - the previous time I met him, all I felt was me not being heard. All I felt from him was annoyance, just because I failed at succeeding an attempt (again) and pdoc is giving up on me. At that moment i didnt feel like talking (was also having a fever) so i didnt have much strength to talk. So i tried my best to talk and couldnt even talk loud and he was angry at me for that... I dont want to see him ever again.