Hi everyone,

It's my first time using a forum like this, but I was hoping I could get some opinions.

I was always very emotional growing up, but I never thought that I was depressed. During the last few years of high school, I didn't want to get out of bed for periods of time, but again, I attributed it to not enjoying being at home.

I had a change in environment during college, and the first few years were amazing. During the final year, I broke down in public a few times, but again, I just attributed it to lack of sleep and stress. I finally went to see a psychologist at the recommendation of a friend, but even now, I tell myself that maybe I just want to use depression as an excuse for my behavior.

It's hard for me to accept this, because I have some days when I feel absolutely amazing, and almost giddy with happiness and I am so motivated. And then, I wake up one morning and I just don't want to do anything, and I feel uninterested/incapable of making myself do anything. This cycle continues, and often ends with me sobbing uncontrollably and my partner being very frustrated that I have shut down again.

I am posting now because last night, something happened that truly scared me - I had been feeling miserable for two days, (I also suffer from chronic pain, and it was especially bad) and I started crying. At some point after I had calmed down, my partner asked me if I remembered what he said to me before I started crying, and I have absolutely no recollection that that happened, even when he told me his exact words.

I guess I was wondering if this happens, or if I'm making excuses for myself again, and what everyone thinks?