My partner and I have been together for a year and a month as of 3 days ago. We just broke up. We have been going through quite a bit the last 7 months. On both parts there has be aggression, mean comments and words, anxiety, intense situations, embarrassing fights in front of friends, name calling, manipulation, mistrust. I still love him. He has wonderful qualities and I wanted to have a life with him. I still do. He will no longer talk to me (He's quite stubborn). Before the breakup, we had been talking but everything ends in bickering or ill feelings. He demands sex and talks about it for 15 minutes after fights. This makes me feel uncomfortable. i have been in the wrong many times. I even made the biggest mistake of my life. I never should have done what I did. There was no cheating. No intercourse or kissing other people. He feels i was cheating because i had a friend who 4 years prior had sexual relations with twice and we have chosen to be friends. 2 months ago I stopped talking to this person, however, "matt" demanded to read all the emails we have sent in the last year that "matt" and i have been dating. I invited my friend to camp, while matt was out of town at work. He works 20 days (sometimes more) our of town a month. There were 13 other people going to camp, some of which knew my friend. My friend decided not to come but "matt" considered this cheating. I never told matt because the friend never came. matt says i am liar. Am i bad person? Did i make the wrong decision? I would never cheat on matt. i haven't ever. I feel horrible. I know "matt" is a great person, he makes me laugh, he has the ability to make me feel good about myself, although he also makes me feel bad. Since being together i have been put on Lorazapam, due to the anxiety and panic attacks I get sometimes when we are fighting . I have never been on medication for anxiety before. He has anxiety as well.. I have had depression within the relationship. suicidal thoughts. I have only had them 4 times in my life . 3 was while i was dating matt. I do not have them right now. I am just extremely sad. I feel like i made a mistake and lost a good friend. We tried to make things better for the past 7 months. Sometimes there is progress, most of the time not. I don't know what to do at this point. I love him with all my heart. There is no one else I want to be with. But this relationship can really bring out the worst in me and him as well. please help?