If he's reasoning shoddy behavior, it's an excuse.

There's excusable excuses, such as running late, due to traffic.

Then there's inexcusable excuses.

Rational justification, such as sorry I wasn't clear, i didn't get enough sleep.

Then i forget, the right term, but rationalization of poor behavior choices in order to deflect that it's a poor choice, such as what it sounds like he might be doing, from your description. As in, this is just the way I am, not only won't I change, I also refuse to compromise.

Is couples counseling an option?

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