I'm almost at my one year mark of having the gastric sleeve done. Feb 19th, 2014. It's been exactly 348 days now. I've lost more weight than I currently weigh now. Everyone tells me how proud they are. But the reality is that I don't eat barely anything. With the gastric sleeve, they cut most of your stomach out and turns it basically into the size of a banana. The part of the stomach they cut out holds your hunger hormones. Tells you when and what you need to eat. I no longer have that. I get head hunger for sweets but it's rare. When I try to eat, I take one bite and I can't eat more than that. I have no desire to eat and forcing myself makes me gag as soon as food touches my tongue. I can go days without eating and feel no hunger pains, so it's very easy to do for me. I take a prenatal multivitamin as well as extra vit d. I start to feel horrible if I'm not eating and not taking my vitamins because I'm depressed and I hve to force myself to start taking them. But most of the time, I don't bother. I avoid looking in mirrors but I'm obsessed with stepping on the scale to see if I've gained or lost. Of course you can guess which emotion I felt for each. Tonight I looked in the mirror and I freaked out and had to take 2 2mg Xanax before I could calm down just enough. I look absolutely disgusting. I showed my boyfriend and I asked why he never told me I looked so horrible and he tried to reassure me and tell me to stop worrying and all of that. But I feel like we're looking at two completely different people. I took a picture when I got out of the shower tonight, I look so disgusting and deformed. When I finally looked in the mirror, I started shaking so badly and wanted to cry soo much because I couldn't stand how disgusting I look. I'm so freaked out. My stomach churns.

I just don't even know how to respond right now. Attachment 5164