I just needed to vent about this.
I was dating a navy seal last year for 5 months. He was falling in love with me and really cared about me. I've never had a great boyfriend like him before. I was going through anxiety and depression during the time I was dating him.
I would pull away from him emotionally and he didn't know why until I told him I was depressed. He was working 12 hour days and would drive up to see me (we lived 1 hour & 30 mins away, 2 hours depending on traffic).
The distance started wearing on both of us. We had such a great time together, he would take me to beautiful hotels, fishing, hiking, swimming, restaurants, shopping. I've never dated anyone who did those things for me.
He was 28 and I'm 22. He started talking about marriage and having kids, I didn't even know if I was ready for a relationship (because of my mental issues) let alone settling down.

He was super outgoing, and I'm naturally more quiet and introverted. Almost every time we hung out, we would drink...and I would usually wake up feeling hung over. Dating him started to feel exhausting for me. He didn't understand that sometimes I felt shy and he was constantly trying to make me hang out with his buddies and his family. Mind you, we had only been dating for 5ish months. I felt pressure and didn't know if I could handle the stress of dating him, even though I was falling in love with him too. I can't really explain it, I was just exhausted.

I felt bad because he was constantly driving up to see me and my car was constantly breaking down so I didn't trust it to drive 1 1/2 to 2 hours every weekend, then back again. He started complaining about that, rightly so.

One morning, I decided it was becoming too much for me and I told him I needed a break from the relationship. He was bummed. We didn't talk for about 2 months after that and during that time I started missing him. I texted him and called him, saying I missed him so much and he said he missed me too. We've been trying to hang out again since then but his work schedule is really busy. After going on a date with another guy, I realized I ruined something really good. The guy I went on a date with (I wrote a post about him on this forum) left me in tears, and it made me miss my ex so much more because now I feel like no one else compares to him.

My ex is deploying in 1 month from now and he'll be gone for 6 months. I feel like such an idiot. I should have never broken up with my ex. I texted him yesterday saying "I'll do anything it takes to be with you again." He said "I'm sorry we lost a lot of time, and I'm leaving soon and not looking for that anymore." (he said he wasn't seeing anyone else, by the way, so that's not the reason why he said that, I think it's just because of his deployment).

I'm so disappointed in myself for breaking up with a man who was so good for me. I need some comfort or some help in dealing with this. I feel like he was perfect, I don't even really remember why I broke up with him, and it's just all my fault. He could have helped me out of this depression and anxiety and I could have possibly had a richer life with him. What the hell is wrong with me?

I hope he wants to see me again when he comes back from deployment but deep down I think I really messed it up. 2 months ago he seemed like he was still interested in me so I don't know why all the sudden he's totally not interested anymore. We've been trying to hang out again that whole time.

I'm heartbroken and it's my fault.