I was neglected as a kid, mother never seemed to like me, told me I was useless stuipid, ugly, fat. Constantly reminded how 'unspecial' I was. I was a burden.
They'd desparately wanted a boy after two girls, I was a big disapointment.
They were cold, self absorbed people. I was never hugged, I never felt loved.

Mother used to tell me when I was young that she was putting me in a home, I would cry myself to sleep, terrified.
Then, one day (I was about 7) she said this to me. I went to bed and was sooo desparately unhappy life seemed like some miserable nighmare. If I pinched myself hard enought would I wake up?
I decided this night through my tears that enough was enough, mother did not want me. Now I WANTED to go into a home, I wanted to be away from this woman.
So next time she said it I told her "mum, I want to go into a home how soon can I go?"
She never said those words again.
BUT, I truely thought she would put me a home, simple, she didnt want me and I wanted to go. So I waited eagerly, excited I was going to start a new life! I waited for the nice lady to come and pick me up. Weeks later-------------------- nothing.
I was getting worried, I wanted to ask mother 'when was the lady coming, when could I go to my new home?' But I was too scared to ask her, case she got nasty.
Evenually I realised I was going no where, I started to cry myself back to sleep again.
My question is am I unsual in WANTING to be fostered/adopted. How many people have felt the same or an I the only one?