I went to the doctors about my sleep problems today as I have only been getting 4 hours of sleep a night for the last 2-3 weeks. I told them that id been advised by Vikki to talk to them about going back on anti-depressants to give me a bit of a lift.

The response to this is that medication is never going to help me, and that he is sorry that I am feeling worse. He then printed the letter from the psychiatrist and gave it to me, this is basically saying that I behave in certain ways for 'Secondary Gain', which I find really insulting as I am really independent, and purposely isolate myself as I feel to awkward and feel so down all the time, I am also scared of hurting people when I am disassociated because of the nature of things that have happened in the past, it seems to have an aggressive nature or i seem to put myself in dangerous situations without knowing about it. This letter also mentions schizophrenic symptoms but there is not yet any 'evidence',

This has now added to the depression I am currently feeling. I feel unable to talk to anybody about it. I know that I have a CPN, Psychiatrist and Crisis. As I have told Vikki before, i feel they are all part of a plan to make me worse which i have been able to recognize as a delusion, however, I am now left believing this to be 100% true.

I feel unable to access any help, and really do not trust any of the sources that I have. I am unprepared to take any medication, I don't feel able to call anybody and I feel really distressed.