hi rockymars
i am concerned that this has been going on for so long and the cyclical nature of highs and lows you describe. i think it indicates a pressing mental health issue especially now that you seemed to have detached from your negative experience. i would highly recommend that you seek some professional help for an evaluation and let them know everything you have said here. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where we can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome