Quote:
Originally Posted by growlithing
Does my biological mother love me? She has a word that she calls love that she feels for me. Although I guess she hasn't said she loves me in a long time. But I do not believe that you can simultaneously love someone and beat them, and lock them in their bedroom for 12+ hours with no food. I don't think you can love someone and make them take off their pants in a parking lot and stand on a scale so you can yell at them for being ugly and fat. If someone's version of love involved that behavior being acceptable, then how they define love does not interest me and I do not want it.
She pays for things because she thinks that money = love. And to an extent for her, she does think that. That's fine I guess. I'll take it but she can't buy my forgiveness or my love. That is gone. I have no interest in a relationship with her and I will never love her.
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I understand you're not there yet and may never be there... but one day a relationship with your biological mother might exist.
My parents neglected me my entire childhood. I was a shy child with a great imagination, so I guess they assumed I was fine. Due to family dynamics, I was rejected by my mom pretty early on. She was my worst enemy. She sent me to live with my grandma after I got out of the crisis house at age 14. My dad brought me back after 2 months. My mom was so pissed, she took my little sister and left my dad (only lasted 6 months
). Fast forward to age 18 when my mom kicked me out. The 3 reasons she kicked me out: because she wanted my little sister to have her own room, my dad didn't have to pay child support for me, and because I didn't get a job (...was in the hospital for a breakdown).
I processed my issues with my mom in therapy. I no longer cry over it. Facts are simply facts now and I can talk about my past with my mom without any distress. I was able to process so well, that I was able to reach out to my mom. [Skipping the how part]...my mom and I are really good friends. I see her weekly. I might lose her again, but I'm aware of the main reason I would and am prepared for if that ever happened.
Btw...my parents believed money=love. My mom is poor now, so she doesn't do that anymore
And I haven't spoken to my dad in 9 years. But this belief is exactly way I hate holiday/b-day gifting to adults. It was so bad that each kid got the same $ amount for gifts, and we were required to spend a certain amount of money on a gift once we were an adult.
My mom does have my forgiveness and she has my love (it's what I choose for me). But she lost something... a daughter. We do not have a mother/daughter relationship. I call her mom because that's what I've always called her, but she is not my mom and never will be.
I guess I'm trying to say that people and life might just surprise you. Or sometimes it can be predictable. Though the most important person in your life is you. But I can relate to having a crappy mom.