Hi Kali, thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear your mom said such cruel things to you. I will never understand why parents abuse their children. Maybe she was projecting her own unhappiness onto you. At least I think that's what's it was with my mom. I was also in ballet and this affects body image permanently as well.

I can relate to emotional eating, which is usually what overeating is related to. A lot of people, me included, use it to numb out or fill an emptiness. Last night for me, it was reading a post in the ED forum. It listed weights and one was lower than I am. But instead of triggering ED behaviors, my body and brain got together and said, oh no, you are not doing that ***** to us again. Go eat now! So I did.

But the sad thing is, some part of me wants to be triggered to have the ED behaviors come back. I've quit alcohol again recently... quit cutting... gave up smoking... what is left now? I know, just use healthy coping mechanisms right? But I already know how to do this one, and it worked.

As for seeing a t, we haven't covered this ground yet, but it will make sense to her when we get there. I'm almost waiting to tell her because I want the behaviors back and she would not want that. Part of me wants to show her instead.