i am sorry you are feeling this way. you dont say whether you are in treatment or not. have you considered it? i dont know if i am fortunate but i think i reached this point of acceptance where i realized that this is just how my life is and what can i do to make the best of it? sucks, but i have worked so hard to change it, to feel different and nothing worked. so i just live in this state of no joy and accept it. i know this isnt the answer you are hoping for. i dont really have one. just know you arent alone.