I've been so up... and then Monday I snapped because I finally got very down about not having the ability to control my emotions. There's a story that goes with that, but that's the TLDR.

And then when I emailed a friend saying I felt pathetic, since I'm 32 years old and should be able to just snap out of it, and my paranoia, he responded by asking if I had paranoid personality disorder. I read the characteristics and symptoms of it and it made me feel worse, I was insulted, because that's not how I am at all (I've been talking to him a lot lately about what I've been experiencing).

And I know he was trying to find a solution, a means to help, but I just wanted to hear, "It's okay, you're not pathetic."

I feel like such a whiny child. I'm sorry.

So I wound up calling out of work yesterday because I felt so low, and felt like crying all morning but couldn't because it's hard for me to cry, which is really a ***** sometimes. Wound up watching anime all day and going to bed at 7:30, after being a ***** to my boyfriend and then apologising profusely. He seemed to understand, but he in no way deserved it.

Anyway, I just don't want to be like this. I don't want to sink any further. I hate having no control.

People say you can control your feelings, but I don't believe it. How do you control your feelings?