Wow, good list! I too can over-ride negative thoughts most of the time but that has come from years of learning. I do strive to surround myself with positive things as much as possible and that helps, and stay away from the negatives.

It sounds like you are having a difficult time. I would get back with my pdoc and explain how you are feeling for possible med adjustment. Then with a therapist to get more stable, then help deal with the negative thoughts your mind is feeding you.

I wholly believe it is possible to retrain your brain to a certain extent and has been very helpful for me.

Take good care of you. ((()))