Thank you so much! I'm not sure how busy this particular board is, but I was sure hoping to get some feedback. The minute I got home from work I fired up the computer to check this thread!

I keep trying to talk myself into the fact that I'm overreacting. My T says I'm underreacting. There is no connection, we do NOTHING together as a family. NOTHING. He goes to work, and comes home and sits in front of the TV. That's never bothered me because he works a very physical job. But the money stuff, a 4K TV one year (ordered, I made him cancel), this loan, new cell phone, and most recently a Playstation 4, which I've yet to see him play. We don't make a lot of money....he likes to try to live beyond our means. I used to beg him to just walk the dog with me, go for a walk. Nope. Family bike ride? NEVER. Took our son to a water park for his birthday last year, guess who didn't go? (it was a one night trip). Most recently, it was h's birthday, and son and I were making plans to take him out for dinner. He was invited out for dinner with is bro and SIL, so left us hanging. We weren't invited. Son was very upset. He has just simply ignored our son for a long time, doesn't do anything with him, but he has tried a little since last summer, when I put the fear of God into him. I did get him to go with me to my T once. But he wouldn't do counseling. The man also doesn't shower. And wonders why I'm pulling myself away from him. Ok, he showers every couple/few weeks. But again, physically demanding job every day. I told him once I believed him to be depressed, and there's no shame in asking for help. He won't. Instead, just keep pretending there's nothing wrong. I'm tired of working so hard to produce this happy family façade for family visits and things. Part of me believes I just spent my last Christmas gathering at his mom's house. Another part of me believes I'm overreacting, I can't live without him (financially), and I would never have the strength to follow through with this. Yet at the same time, we are not "a family," and I'm afraid our son is learning how to be a dad himself, by seeing his own dad. The song Cats In The Cradle really gets me. A friend of mine told me I need to get him to watch the old movie, On Golden Pond. I forgot what most of it is about....I can picture the old couple and their house on the lake, but that's it. I vaguely remember an estranged son.

I started seeing my T to help me get through this, but there is also so much trauma in my past that still affects how I think and feel today. So I made sure she knew what she was taking on from the beginning. I'm pretty damaged as it is. I feel hopeless. And aside from T, don't really feel comfortable talking to people about it. Not people IRL anyway....