I love reading all your posts OE, this spoke to me so well. Sorry you are feeling that way AngelicGoldFish. I feel your pain, perhaps not in the same way but wanting to punish myself. Like OE says, small steps to learn how to love yourself once again, or like me learning to love yourself for the first time you can remember. If only once a day you can believe for a moment it can happen, that moment will surely grow to minutes, hours, days... The unthinkable-on the and years! But we have to start with believing even in the face of nothing but doubt, and maybe one day we will over come this need

I am back on day 1 binge purge free. I feel okay about it today. Trying not to starve myself anymore as restricting tends to lead to a b/p and I really need to fuels body to gain muscle at the gym. Here we go again!