I have no real friends here, all of them are in another state. I'm so lonely and when I drink I meet people and am social. I'm just scared that I'm messing it all up just because I'm alone. I don't know what else to do. I'm so lonely, it hurts my heart at night. I can feel it. I'm so scared too all the time because of the times I've been raped. The only thing that stops it is alcohol. And then I'm cray-cray- because my meds don't work. I'm so sorry about all the things that have happened. Then I drink too much and sleep with people I would normally hate. I wish I was at least a little normal.