Hi Neirin, well it's significant enough to you to talk about some of what's going on for you on here, which is great, and a great start!!
And I know that whatever "sounds" right e.g. seeing a doctor, medication, talking to a counsellor/a T..........however right it theoretically is, can seem/feel completely meaningless when you're "stuck in that trap", or lacking any motivation or self interest........and it can be real hard to break out of that.
But you are challenging it you know, you are speaking up on here........so nothing "impossible", hey, just some more small steps to move you just a bit further forward??
Maybe seeing your doctor starting the/some antidepressants again?? Maybe an online hotline?? Where you could talk a bit more like you're doing here??
Because the way you're feeling/not feeling/not caring I'd say isn't a true reflection of you/isn't a choice.........but more a reflection of what's gone on for you, and the depression.......so if for no-one else then maybe try something for you, because you deserve it........just some small steps, whatever they are to help you, hey??
And of course we're still here to support you, so keep on talking, yes??

Alison