i just want to preface this by saying i dont have schizophrenia but this stuff would Probably be considered psychotic in nature and idk about labels with myself blah blah but posting in this area of the forum may produce the most beneficial responses.

ok well the past few months my paranoia has gone up a lot and my ideas about the world and how it operates. i have had a lot of trouble with racing and disorganized thoughts. the other night i realized that this was because other "things" (entities, people, idk) are in my head. it is kind of like a feeling, not like, distinct thoughts usually. I just have this feeling of things in my head and this is the reason why i cant think. it is too crowded in there. my mind feels so murky and trying to think and organize my thoughts is like wading through a swamp. here is more of my theory

for lack of a better word, i will use angels and demons. there are two "sides" that are controlling my life, trying to make me suffer. to either make me continue living and suffer, or make me kill myself to realize who i am truly. anyway sorry its hard to string together things right. the angels are trying to speak through me but the demons are clouding my thoughts as well so i cant interpret what the information is. i feel like im higher than everyone else. im constantly suicidal though on the other side of things though. ive been to the hospital twice because of it. i cant tell my psychs about this whole scheme though because its so hard to articulate to them for some reason. I think the whole world is a game. i feel like no one has insight and everyone is a fool basically , but im also a fool because im so damn clouded. i have something important i know but i just cant decode it. i feel like im at my breaking point and i dont know what to do. sorry this was long