Kind of awesome that you guys are talking about this.

The full burden of the personality disorder is awful. It's not just having trouble getting dates, or knowing fully and absolutely that you're wasting time in a soul sucking job, it's the anhedonia, which is a complete inability to feel pleasure, ever! I can remember every time I felt pure happiness, because there have literally been less than a handful of them in my life.

I worry about people who decide they are avoidant, and then live within that frame for a decade or more. Maybe your whole life! Because, yes, it's true, if you have the PD you can't change it. But if you just have avoidant aspects, they can be adjusted.

Like depression - there are medications that can manage that. PD's are not brain chemical imbalances. Pills don't work. Take them, it's like drinking water, the only way you know you've taken them at all is when you quit you have withdrawal symptoms.

But if you're depressed, and you self-diagnose it as avoidance, you're missing out on feeling better. What a shame!

It could be that you are socially inept. Okay. If that's your problem, that's great! Because you can learn social skills. I have a son who is autistic. He can't pick up any social cues; he had to be taught everything, the same way you would teach a kid to multiply and divide. It worked. Now I have to watch myself, because he can look at my face and know just what I'm thinking.

I'm starting training myself. I'm learning how to tell when people are lying to me, which is terrifying, because I'm afraid I'll find out everyone is lying to me all the time. But I'm going to give it a shot.

If your avoidant aspects come from feeling socially inferior, you can go to a therapist about it. Don't tell them you're avoidant! Go in and say, I was really shy in high school and I missed out on learning how to socialize, so I need help to catch up to everyone. Then there you go - problem solved - you'll be able to understand people, and be less fearful of them, and you'll be able to live your life.

I know, that seems like a pipe dream if you have the PD. Which it is. If you have the PD.

But if you don't...

Live! Do it for us who can't!

I wish people didn't stop searching when they read the description of avoidant. If you had to convince someone you were avoidant, if you had to insist you have the diagnosis, there is an excellent chance you're on the wrong track.

The description for me, when the doctor read it to me, was earth shattering. It was like they'd been following me around taking down notes about me. It fit me like a glove, and everyone who knows me who has heard the description has said, "yep, that's you." Those same people all say, "what a shame you can't live up to your potential."

It's hard to keep working on yourself. It's so easy to say, this label fits so I'm sticking with it. But look what you give up! Never ever ever being happy, never ever ever getting pleasure from life. Don't stay there if you don't have to! Try and try and try, and fail and fail and fail. When you've tried everything, when you know for sure you aren't simply depressed, or just don't know how people work and you've learned all you can about them, then get cozy with the label. But don't sell yourself short in the meantime.

Back to the original question - which is about depressive symptoms vs avoidant symptoms - remember to try to keep those things straight. Because, even with the PD, you can work to become less depressed, so long as you pay attention to it and don't assume there's nothing that can be done.

This probably sounds kind of snarky. I don't see it that way. I hope that some of you are staring at brick walls, and that I might have shaken you up enough that you can look around and see that the whole world is behind you, if you'd only just turn around and stop staring at that brick wall in front of you.

I like who I am. (Waiting for the lighting bolt to strike that I said that.) But I still wish I could turn around and not find that my brick wall completely surrounds me. I'd really like the chance to see the world.

If you can, then try. You owe it to yourself. Don't stay in the box that the nifty label has put you in. Jump out of it. Don't waste one more minute being miserable if you don't absolutely have to.