How anger interacts with other emotions and factors

"Since anger can be such a powerful emotion, its impact is felt in many ways. Perhaps we should start by reviewing the complex relationships that exist between anger and other emotions (see Chapters 5, 6, 7, and 8) as well as between anger and other behaviors or factors, such as values. First of all, if you are strong-willed, the values, morals, ideals that guide your life may have a big influence on your angry emotions and aggressive behaviors. On the other hand, if your anger is especially strong, it may severely test or overwhelm your ideals about how to behave. In any case, you have to find a way for your anger to co-exist with your sense of appropriate behavior and your philosophy of life (see Chapter 3). Many people (including me) believe that your ideals should trump your surging angry moods (if you fail in this, then you will have another emotion—guilt--to deal with).

I believe that one of your highest priorities should be keeping your vindictive anger, your self-serving (or others-be-damned) ambitions, and your resentment under control. The consequences of anger, such as being inconsiderate, mean, or violent, are behaviors; therefore, you need to have a thorough knowledge of how to avoid the pitfalls of anger and control your excessive aggression and other unwanted behaviors. (See Chapter 4). To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking. – Johann von Goethe, 1749-1832, German Poet, Dramatist, Novelist

Most of us feel a little tense when we get angry. We know there are risks involved; we might lose control and others might retaliate. We certainly get anxious when someone gets angry at us. When we feel put down, we may become aggressive to boost our ego. When we become stressed, our self-control weakens; we are at risk of acting on impulse, neglecting commitments, or becoming irritated.

Yet, anger can be a great motivator that helps us get over our fears. To do right we often need a strong determined intolerance of injustice and to be most effective we may need to keep our stress under control (see Chapter 5). Both anxiety and depression are stressful and interfere with self-control (Oaten & Cheng, 2005).

Acting out of anger may also bring on guilt or shame as well as anxiety, so the emotions get complex and confused. Chapters 5, 6 and 7 should help you deal with these major emotions but these intermeshed feelings are exerting pressures in different directions on your values and your behavior. You may need to read parts of several chapters. To complicate matters even more, keep in mind that therapists often believe that one emotion may be used (unconsciously sometimes) to conceal another feeling.

For example, a person may start a fight with a parent, spouse, or friend to change the topic, to get attention, or to avoid expressing positive feelings or closeness. Another example: it has been my experience that when many women look depressed and cry, they are often (about 75% of the time) feeling anger under their sadness. Does that seem likely to you?

It is well supported by careful research that stress, depression, and anger are bad for your physical health, especially your heart. Gradually even medicine is recognizing this and, since depression fairly often doesn’t respond to antidepressants, it is becoming more common for medical researchers to recommend trying psychotherapy if antidepressants do not work within a couple of months…and the reverse…if psychotherapy doesn’t reduce depression, then switch to medication for a while (Medical Staff, Stanford University School of Medicine, in Archives of General Psychiatry,2005, 62, 513-520). Famous theories also suggest that there are strong connections between depression (Chapter 6) and anger (Chapter 7).

The things we do while angry are a prime source of guilt and shame (see next section). Anger turned inward on the self is a classical dynamic that is supposed to cause depression. Some psychologists, e.g. Dr. Tony Schirtzinger (Self-Therapy at http://www.helpyourselftherapy.com/), say “depressed people are angry people who won’t admit it.” These therapists recommend reducing depression by teaching patients to assertively express their frustration and anger. By getting their angry feelings out into the open and by assertively getting more of the things they want in life, their depression declines.

Other therapists see a different connection, believing that the pain of having depression causes the anger to build. My point here is that there are many connections among emotions and with behavior. You may need to learn about these connections in order to understand and control your anger."