((((hugs))))

Your situation does sound tough. Very sad way to live.

Have you ever talked with your son about things? Just wondering, because your hub's behavior does sound like depression to me, wouldn't want your son to take his father's behavior personally either way. Family counseling may be worth a shot, to hopefully build some trust & caring between your hub & son. You also don't want your son to grow up thinking that this is a "normal marriage".

Gentle hugs to you ~ best wishes!