i have found it helpful for me (and i'll acknowledge that it may not be helpful for you)
but i have found it helpful for me...
to refocus from 'was that abusive?'
to 'did i feel traumatised?'
(where traumatic experiences are distressing).

because sometimes...
people don't feel traumatised by experiences that we typically classify as abusive
and sometimes...
people do feel traumatised by experiences that we typically don't classify as abusive...

but either way... what matters most is your distress - right?
and the fact that you do feel distressed when you recall that incident and that it has affected your emotional responses now in a distressing way.

i'm sorry.