I agree trust comes im layers. On one hand I feel distrustful of T because of the break this week where she said she was taking it because she wanted too, but on the other hand my head keeps pulling up the memory of her having been really unwell with flu this yr and her still turning up and not cancelling. Its my own trusting of her that I am battling here because I'm scared that I will sit back and relax and then she will get inside me and hurt me. I have to learn to trust my own reactions as well, trust that If I take the decision to sit back and relax that if the worse happened and she turned round and said she isn't carrying on with me, that I could survive,, pick myself up enought and continue with that awful deep pain inside.

I mean after all, we can trust and trust and trust but at the end of the day, all people are human and they'll going to let us down in some area and I am trying to become strong enought inside to deal with that, so I guess trust is as much to with ourself as others?