yeah, i think trust is a process.
something occurs to me and i think 'i could never ever ever ever ever say that in one million years' and so of course, i don't.
i don't trust myself if t doesn't respond kindly / compassionately
i don't trust my t to respond kindly / compassionately.

there are all kinds of things that occur to me that i censor.

some of them are hard... but i'm able to take the risk.
and when he responds kindly / compassionately...
it is the most wonderful feeling in the world!
liberation from shame and guilt and despair and solitude.
the most wonderful feeling in the world!

but...

it is a process it surely is.
nothing risked nothing gained
one does need to take little risks.
in order to feel an emotional connection
one needs to allow oneself to be a little emotionally vulnerable
(which requires trust)
and then...
we just have to hope...
and wait and see.

and if they respond well then over time we can come to trust them with certain things.

and along the way... we also come to learn something of their sensitivities / insecurities. some areas where they cannot be trusted. that can be hard... but i guess it is realistic. unfortunately...