Newgal2, that is how I feel exactly about getting disability. Dont know if that is for me, not just yet anyhow. Still have this wish to go back to working, but it seems like that is far away right now. But I am doing a lot of volunteer work these days, and have gotten back into my good old social activism-me. It is very inspiring, and actually gives me a lot of energy. So maybe what I need to do is to find a job that will have those aspects in it. But I am afraid of commiting myself to any big project (I was asked to be an organizer for the Red Cross), and I have this fear of getting sick and letting everyone down.