(trigger warning)

Well, so much for recovery. My life is a hellish version of groundhog day. It's just a loop of the same kinds of losses and pain, tricking myself into thinking that things will be different, and having the exact same things happen again. I'm standing in the aftermath of everything recently burnt and ruined, and on the brink of things starting to look up. But I know where it's headed eventually. Because it always does, I can't escape this hell. This would be the wisest time to press the stop button, out of all the times in the past when I wish I had before everything fell.
I don't want to feel better about anything. Feeling better doesn't change things. I just want it to stop.