Hi dearInTheHeadlights, I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now, it sounds like you've been through a lot
I'm just wondering whether you fully recovered from some of those previous losses/pain or if some of that was buried and you're being triggered all over again, experiencing the impact of everything??
And maybe you didn't have as much support as you may have needed before.......help in building coping skills??
But sometimes things can just add up and add up............
Still you have made it through a lot, so you're clearly very strong deep down, it may not feel like it right now but.........you are!!
It's just like you said things are quite "recent", so feelings probably are really intense right now. That doesn't mean they have to keep on staying that way though.
And for now..........it might help to express things, to talk, to get some real support, to give yourself some time, and to work on some coping skills to build on that strength you already have.
And you know, we're here for you in that if you want to talk...............

Alison