I have felt that way, and do still from time to time. I have been thru some things you wouldn't believe, not that you haven't, my point is, we have survived. We are now wiser and stronger, whether we believe we did it ourselves or received help from a higher power. It is hard, so hard, everyday death skips thru my mind, sometimes it pitches a tent and stays for a few days. Those days,when the world is beating the crap out of me, when I am fearful of driving and leaving my home, or concerned about others that are helpless and tossed away like trash, I wonder why? I hope someday you find the one thing that I know gives me peace, inspite of my situation, circumstances and un-found happiness. I find peace knowing someday, someday I will have peace from it all. I will walk in the never dying garden, streets of gold, happyness will be in abundance. This is the ONLY reason I have not taken my own life. There is a peace that will surpass all understanding and this rotten world can't give that to me, no matter where I live, go, do, see, become or gain and this rotten old world can't take that peace waiting for me away from me. SO, I'll take the first watch and you take the second, then we both can rest our minds for at least a little while.
In other words, I'm here for you, if you just wanna talk, scream, cuss, fuss, or whatever helps you get a little PEACE of mind. I go off all the time, when I get mad, discouraged, deeply, deeply depressed I write. I talk about all the pain, I point a finger at it. I'm not doing so hot myself, but encouraging others helps me tremendously. SO, I'm just trying to help you get to a better place (not religion wise, but in general) where you can have a little peace.