<font color="purple"> tired of pretending that everything is hunky dory....

tired of not getting my emotional needs met....

tired of the constant battles within my own brain..... stop the competition and the fights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stop making each other miserable and stop doing what makes another have attacks......

tapped out.... maternal nuturing is drained.... not being the best mom I can be.... feeling guilty and anger at self...

feeling used..... not worthy.... damaged....

not sure which is real ... where I am in this body and life... cannot make sense of thoughts and feelings...

want to be left alone or do I?
want to move on or do I?
want to feel good again or do I?
want to feel loved , will I know, do I know, can I know, is it there, do I deserve it?

empty, yet full..... dillusioned in my own reality....auto pilot, thats all it is....

wish I could shut off my mind... stop the noise.... feel at peace.... shove it away deep down ....

tired of sadness, no joy, no smiles just the fake ones I borrow.....

freak, mistake, experiment??? where do i belong, can i belong.... dont feel like i belong to myself ..... is there a another me...would it be real... am I real... I just dont know anymore....

confused and frustrated
</font>