I admit to being a bit baffled by how much emotional energy many have invested in their therapists. It does seem like for many their therapy has ceased to be about their own life and resolving their real-life issues and has completed turned into a focus on their therapist and whatever their issues are with their therapist. It may just be the way this particular forum tends to lean though, because in real-life, I don't know anyone in therapy who is that caught up in their therapy relationship that it seems to cause them the amount of stress and anxiety and drama that I constantly read here. And I actually do know quite a few people who are in therapy and we have talked about our therapy, but always in the context of ourselves, not our relationship with our therapists because, quite frankly, it isn't really about our relationship with our therapists. But again, I also don't think this forum is very indicative of the preponderance of most peoples' therapy experiences.

That said, however, I don't personally think there is anything wrong with having a meaningful relationship with a therapist. Not in itself. I have had strong, solid, meaningful relationships with the 3 therapists I have worked with over the years, and I suppose you could say we had healthy attachments (although I really hate that term; makes me think of velcro). However, my therapy was never focused on them or even on our relationship. My therapy was focused on me and my issues and my healing. I'm glad for that.

My therapists kept my focus on me. They were supportive and caring, but honestly, I don't think they would have at all allowed themselves to be fostered as some sort of parent or savior or rescuer at all. In fact, they were always very adamant about keeping things real, having healthy boundaries, and keeping themselves off of any pedestal I might have for a moment tried to place them on. Perhaps that's the difference between an experienced, skilled, boundaried therapist and one that is inconsistent with boundaries, in over their head skill-wise, etc.

I've cared about my therapists, but I've also been able to walk away from them on healthy terms, move on without distress, never fear that I would never find another therapist able to also help me in the future. I've cared about my therapists, but I've never felt they manipulated our relationship or pressed it to be something other than what it was designed for: a therapy relationship, a temporary arrangement for support and assistance while I gained the insight and skills to move forward on my own. That was always the goal.

My therapy relationships were real relationships, but they were only what they were designed to be in the context of my therapy. When the context gets blurred, when the boundaries get blurred, when therapist tries to be more than therapist, when client wants them to be more than therapist . . .that seems to be where things get confusing for people, painful, anxiety-making, and completely off center.