I do not know what has changed in me, but something has.

I have never been open with anyone about my thoughts and feelings. Those are things I have always kept to myself. Maybe that was the result of growing up in a chaotic, alcoholic home, maybe that was just me. It doesn't really matter.

Yesterday, I found myself to be a bit hyper and talkative. I shared with my husband some of what I discussed in therapy. Stuff I thought to be "safe". I have noticed that lately I have been doing more and more of this. Not only have I been talking about my feelings with him more, I have been sharing some things I have written.

I have always had guilt feelings in this relationship. Guilt because I kept everything to myself. Guilt because by keeping things to myself, when It got to be too much and I "lost my mind", it came as a surprise to my hubby. Awhile back I freaked my husband out, I almost died, he saved my life. Since then he calls me twice a day from his work. I see this as his way of "checking up" on me. A husband should not have to call home twice a day to make sure his wife is okay. Maybe this is why I have been more open with him lately. I have noticed new guilty feelings. I feel guilty that my hubby feels the need to make sure I am okay so often. By being more honest about my thoughts and feelings, he has a better understanding of "where I am at".

This cannot hurt our relationship it can only help.