Hmmm... I accept that I'm bipolar but I guess I don't accept what that really means for my life. If that makes any sense. I like parts of me that seem to go away with meds. I like that I feel deeply, that I care deeply. I love those bursts of love that I get when I look at my children. I love that I cry at sappy love stories. All of that is deadened when I'm on meds...no burst of love...I can't even cry at all. What I don't love is the burst of anger, the sadness,the feel of being out of control. My mania isn't elation. It's irritation and anger...not fun.

I just can't seem to find a way to lessen the anger/irritation without losing those parts that make me feel like me...that make me feel alive. It's a difficult choice and I guess I'm just not ready to make it?