I'm remembering something Katherine Mansfield said about how lovers, too, must have days off. If you think you need to expend a lot of energy / effort in order to present yourself a certain way... Then that will take energy / effort, for sure.

I think... There is some good from that. Being 'on ones best behavior' in some sense. Being... Emotionally responsive to them. Taking care not to dominate. Compromising sometimes on activities etc. That kind of thing can help build the relationship... But it can take a toll on you, for sure.

One thing to do is to limit the amount of time you spend with them. Since it is tiring / requires effort then doing it too much... Will burn you out.

Another thing to do is to... Moderate things a bit. Expend a little less effort. Compromise a little less. Partly it is about... Developing trust. Let him see you without your make-up on. You never know, he may prefer you that way. Etc. You might find that some of the things you expend a lot of effort on... He'd actually prefer you not to. So... You could save yourself some angst and relax into being a little bit more... Naturally you.