Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisWayOut
lol. no, I meant instead of giving her your diary, write something with the intention of giving it to her. It's a bit less intimidating than handing over somethign you thought would only ever be seen by you.
Though if the fantasy is really about someone like her, but not her, that's something to talk about. I mean like her more than just the fact that you are looking for an older woman, but if the woman would look like her and act like her, but not be her... I can see where that would be very intimidating to admit.
Also, if you find that what you write is not something you want to show her, you can always chose not to give it to her. I write to my T all the time as if I was sending her an email. I find it's easier for me to both censor certain things while still being open about others. It's the distinction of writin gfor yourself vs writing for someone else's eyes...
(I'm suddenly pictureing something along the lines of what I imagine 50 shades of grey to be like... never read the books, but heard about them... that would be kinda hard to tell T about... it was hard enough for me to try to talk to one of my former T's about some bdsm stuff I needed to figure out, and it certainly didn't involve anyone like her. I don't know if I could have spoken to her about it if I was fantasies about a woman my age. I'm a lesbian, but for whatever reason the fantasies always involved older men... well, ok, I know the reason, but... yeah. It would have been weirder talking to her about it if it were about a woman around my age... and I'm sure that's tmi, sorry... o_O)
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Yeah, maybe it's not exactly her, but definitely close enough that it's awkward. But I had the fantasy long before I met her, probably since I was only 12 or so, and maybe that's what made me choose her anyway. Funny enough I have told her some of my fantasies about older men, and that wasn't awkward, but never the ones about women.
Hah I never did read 50 shades either but yeah it's nothing that intense! Lmao. My fantasies are pretty pathetically innocent at least, they're maybe more role fantasies than anything, though oddly the more messed up and specific the other person's fantasies are, the better I feel, maybe it helps me feel wanted. It's not TMI though, I don't really mind.
But yeah I haven't talked to her a whole lot about sex so that's new ground for me too. I tread carefully because she treads carefully because she doesn't want to trigger me re:csa. The closest I've ever gotten to any of this was when a friend sort of like T (just more my own age) was constantly hitting on me and I didn't know how to set boundaries. For some reason I took some weird pleasure in telling T about the topic, guess I wanted to see if it made her at all uncomfortable if I rejected my friend. Actually I think tbh I've tried to broach the topic in a lot of indirect ways
((( wow, that's sad, I really should write something and get this off my chest. Like you said though it's hard to let anyone else see it after the fact, lol. ;_;