Thanks for this, I felt a bit better after reading your post, thanks for giving me some perspectives.
Logically I can understand certain attributes doesnīt make me less valuable than a T (or anyone else) but I still feel that way. I cannot know a T:s whole story of course but I still can see if sheīs got things that brings quality into life. That is for example having her own business, being married, having nice clothes and so on. I donīt mean I think sheīs always happy just out of those things but compared to my life i think itīs almost certain she has a more satisfying life than I do.
I in a way then feel overtaken, being out of chance and thatīs not just within therapy and with a T I feel that way but in a close relationship as in therapy it becomes more prominent. I think itīs good you feel you can acheive some things you admire about your T, I donīt feel that way, I feel I canīt acheive anything of value.
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Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
The problem is that you can't compare your life to anyone else's. Well, you can, but it isn't an accurate way to measure your own life.
You can never truly know another person completely. And depending on the boundaries of the relationship (all relationships have boundaries), you'll know even less.
You keep trying to qualify a person based off of some attribute: age, experience, education, and now martial status and if they're parents. None of those things mean anything about the type of person they are.
Here's some examples:
A homeless man. What is the judgements people have? Lazy, mental health issues, veteran, drugs, alcohol, etc. What if none of them are true? What if he lost his job, couldn't pay the mortgage, and was forced onto the street?
My own mother: Married, children, lived in an expensive house in an expensive neighborhood, she owned a preschool, and my dad owned his own business. People assumed she was a great mother, successful, and happy. All false. Because of her past and being exhausted from taking care of other people's children all day, she wasn't a good mother. She married for money, he married for sex. And both their businesses weren't making money and they lived beyond their means.
My T: Married, has a beautiful daughter, has her doctorate, has her own practice, and also teaches. From the outside, it would look like she has the perfect life. Let's say she actually does have a perfect life. Does that make me less valuable, inferior, or less of a person than her? She didn't experience what I have experienced and she doesn't have a mental illness. We have different strengths and weaknesses. Her life would most likely be different if she went through what I have gone through. Is it her fault she didn't? Is it my fault I did? No. It just is.
I cannot compare myself to my T. It's difficult not to because I admire and am kind of jealous of the things she's achieved in her life. So instead of judging her or judging myself, I try to learn from her. I try to figure out how I can achieve some of those things myself. It has to be modified because I am not her, but it still can be achievable for me.
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