For me, the most important things I get out of therapy are encouragement, support, and place where I can just be. She's kinda like a solid foundation that allows me to build my life. She's a sounding-board and a mirror. She has told me multiple times that I really don't need her to teach me anything, but to instead remind me of everything I already know.

My therapy isn't structured. There are no defined goals per se. I have goals, we both know what they are, but it's not the focus of sessions. Our sessions are about helping me cope with daily life (and with the past when it affects the present). It's about expressing myself, processing, and just coping. I guess the best way to describe it is that therapy is like a reset button. I struggle throughout the week and then when I see my T, everything is brought back down...the intensity of emotions is lowered back to a manageable level.

But this is what I need in therapy. Others need something different. My issues are managing emotions and relationships. Once I can do those things, my goals become so much easier to obtain. So structured therapy and being goal-oriented won't help me much. Btw, it is odd because I'm extremely left-brained and love structure.

Try to think about all your relationships. What are the positive qualities of those relationships? Then think of which of those qualities would be most helpful to you in a T. Prioritize them. Compare that list to the quality your T has. Maybe that will help?

I have actually never really qualified a relationship, but maybe it might work for you. I trust my insticts with people. I knew my T was the right T before I met her. My fiance actually wanted me to cancel the initial appointment and I begged him to let me go. I had no clue who she was or how we would interact. I didn't know what I wanted out of therapy or a T. I just knew I needed therapy because it worked in the past. And my intuition told me she was the right one.

I don't know why I have such accurate initial impressions of people. I have an extreme fear of men. Yet when I met my tattoo artist, I instantly knew he was safe. I don't get nauseous or feel the desire to clean myself when he touches me. He's even tattooed my upper thigh and I was fine.

It's hard to say what T is right for anyone. Maybe your T is a great fit for you? Maybe it's your expectations? Maybe you're pushing yourself? I don't know. Maybe he isn't the right fit. You have to decide. Is what he's providing you enough to help you? Remember, finding a "perfect" match might not ever happen. And sometimes we don't even know what that would look like.

I'm sure I'm not helping now. I wish I could help more