Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulaS
Thanks for this, I felt a bit better after reading your post, thanks for giving me some perspectives.
Logically I can understand certain attributes doesnīt make me less valuable than a T (or anyone else) but I still feel that way. I cannot know a T:s whole story of course but I still can see if sheīs got things that brings quality into life. That is for example having her own business, being married, having nice clothes and so on. I donīt mean I think sheīs always happy just out of those things but compared to my life i think itīs almost certain she has a more satisfying life than I do.
I in a way then feel overtaken, being out of chance and thatīs not just within therapy and with a T I feel that way but in a close relationship as in therapy it becomes more prominent. I think itīs good you feel you can acheive some things you admire about your T, I donīt feel that way, I feel I canīt acheive anything of value.
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Hmmm. Let's try a different perspective again. This time let's think about "too late".
First, we don't always get what we want, the way we want it, when we want it. It's true for everyone. And the majority of people have to work for what they want; it's not usually handed to them.
So here's a great example. My ex-T's dream was to be a mother. She was married once, but it didn't work out. She also had a physical issue: she couldn't gain weight. She tried so hard. She even ate during all of our sessions. She was already in her 40's and time was running out. But guess what? She did wind up becoming a mother! Just not the way she planned. She wound up marrying a man who already had a daughter. The child might not be biologically hers, but that is her daughter and she is her mother. Her dream came true. It wasn't too late.
My dream is also to be a mother. Will it happen? I hope so. But I don't know when or how. Maybe natural, ivf, surrogacy, adoption? Maybe I'll be a mother-figure for someone's child? Or I can work at a preschool and get to mother children during the day. Maybe I will only get to mother my furry babies. Idk. But it's never too late.
I don't know yet how I can achieve other dreams of mine. If I didn't have mental health issues, I would have become an architect. Right now, I'm not able to go to college or handle a full-time job. I'll probably never be able to handle a full-time job. But that doesn't mean that I can never become an architect. Even if I did an internship at a company, I design my own house, or maybe build scale models...those are ways to still make that dream achievable.
It's simply changing your views...which isn't simple. But if you do have dreams, you should never give up on them. And yoir dreams are different than other people's dreams. So again, you can't really compare.